it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
