farters have to be the big spoon...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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