I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
