Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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