a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
