Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
