He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
