If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
