so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
