11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Redeem this text for a blowjob
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
