there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
