Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
