Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
