1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
