Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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