Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
