Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
