There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
