I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
