My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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