is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
