Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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