Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
