there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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