this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
