your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
