Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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