i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We are all done wearing pants today
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm too high and old for this...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
