You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize