i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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