The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
