dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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