i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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