you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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