Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize