If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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