I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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