I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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