ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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