Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
