I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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