if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
