My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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