Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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