i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
