The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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