Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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