Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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