Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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