He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The power of my boobs compel you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
