Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
