my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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