I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
