Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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