I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
