I'm eating all of the evidence.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
