i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
