The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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