How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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