she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
