your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
