john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
