butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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