could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
