It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
