her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
