i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
