i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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