oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
