haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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