i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
