I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am available for nakedness
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
