Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Couch. On fire.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
