Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
