the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
