TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
