I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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