I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize