I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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