I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
