God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
