I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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